My darling husband talks in his sleep. Sometimes he gets up and does things while sleeping, but usually he just talks. I’ve been writing down the stuff he says in a notebook and decided it was time to share some of the weirdness.
I have absolutely no context for any of this, as he doesn’t remember saying any of this.
- Fuck you, teddy bears!
- Manhattan Island is not for sale.
- Remember not to smell like a horse if you sweat.
- What is it with those powdered wigs?
- The curtains don’t always match the drapes. (He was trying to sound like Jimmy Stewart when he said this one.)
- Wisdom is sound. (Then he began to snore.) Unless it comes easy. (Back to snoring.)
- Hey! Your underwear needs to match your pants.
- Oh yeah, well, golf is a game that requires balls, not… (I have no idea, he started snoring)
- (This one was done with two voices as if he was playing two parts in his dream.) There are nuggets of wisdom in nursing homes. (Then in a higher pitched voice) But not nougats, they’re in chocolate. (He laughed and then snored.)
- (This one was with an accent) Sex without oneself is better with two.
I love my husband, but his dreams are weird.
Amy N Kaplan 